he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
