Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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