i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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