Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
