saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
