checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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