Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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