He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
