you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
