No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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