She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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