You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
