it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
