The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize