Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
