Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
