She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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