Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
