I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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