So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
