I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
