just tell him i said nine months
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
