No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
