Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize