Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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