PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
