"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize