no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
