She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
