True but thats because hes a fetus.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
