Already got asked if we're dating
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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