He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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