can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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