so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
