i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He better not be in your backpack
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
