It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
