We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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