maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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