420 ftw
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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