she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
