you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
