I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
