I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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