Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
