I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can't turn off my feet"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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