so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
