Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
