You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
