i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
