And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need water and some morals
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
