new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
