he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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