What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
