I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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