Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
