none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
