ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We are two peas in an std pod
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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