are you still at the devil's house?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
