Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
