I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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