I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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