And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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