So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize