it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I looked at my own cervix.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Watching her eat just hurts me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't turn off my feet"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You don't make any sense
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