You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
