I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize