yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
