Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
